He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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