The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You left your underwear on the fireplace
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
