if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
