Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
