My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
