She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
