Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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