It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cockslap morals
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
