the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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