Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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