I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize