Your tits are I can't wait for
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
