dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
