I wannas sexs uuuuu
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
