so let's talk penis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
