Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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