we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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