Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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