It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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