Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize