he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
