I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my shit smells like andre
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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