You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
