literally had 100 drinks last night.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
