im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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