You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
