One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
