the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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