My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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