In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
