Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
