Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So much Jack, so little girl.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
