i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
