I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is Oprah even human
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize