Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
