Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
