yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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