he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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