fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
