he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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