my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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