I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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