I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
