He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize