He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
