Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
