Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
