called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
