Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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