dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
