To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
