sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
