im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
