So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
