I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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