toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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