If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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