i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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