Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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