Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
