I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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