Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
