just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
