next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
