She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
