So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
