Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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