So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
