I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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