Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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