Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize