A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
