i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
