She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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