Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
