Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Everclear isn't food dammit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
