it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
