he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
