its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize