we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
