when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
