I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
All the doctor said was why
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
