This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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