party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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