My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
