she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
