I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
