Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And my parents said I crawled through the house
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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