There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
