is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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