look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
