i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We talked him into tasing himself.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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