guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
