i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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