Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
