Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
