i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize