Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I supernannyed him into submission
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
