please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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