wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
