I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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