dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
