Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
