I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
