She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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