My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
