The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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