I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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