drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
