So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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